


white dreams

by bunboy



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Kawoshin - Freeform, M/M, Neon Genesis Evangelion - Freeform, Other, Time Loop, nge - Freeform, plenty, rebuild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-21 16:52:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1557434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunboy/pseuds/bunboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am alive<br/>The stars are crying<br/>It sounds like<br/>A song of joy</p>
            </blockquote>





	white dreams

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by the song&mv ‘yorokobi no uta’ by plenty. The translated lyrics take up the first segment of the text.

I saw a pure white dream  
So white as if it were transparent

I was walking slowly  
Like in my memories

Like the sun in the night sky  
and the moon in the blue sky  
Somehow I feel so warm  
I wonder if you know

I am alive  
The stars are crying  
It sounds like  
A song of joy

Whenever you are talking to me  
It feels like I’m in a cradle

Over that great, wide sea  
there is a burning grassland

That pure, small light is turning into you  
and engulfs me entirely  
In the twinkling of an eye it will become an endless fairy tale of some time

You are alive  
You are raising your voice  
It is a song of joy  
that will never stop ringing

————

The light was bright and vividly red behind his eyelids, and the white dunes reflected the sun that hung in the night sky, making the particles glisten softly. There was a breeze, comforting, making sand brush gently over his bare body, that was lying on the warm surface. Wind meddling with his silver strands, few of them hanging in his face and getting caught in his eyelashes. It felt warm, he could feel his blood prickle beneath his white skin and he dug his hands in the sand, making it run through the long, slender fingers .

Warm.   
He was breathing.

He was lying here and he was breathing. And the wind carried a soft ringing voice, that made him tremble and tense for a moment, gripping the formless sand, that was escaping his fingers so easily, just like he did. How much time had passed? Minutes? Hours? Or even days.. He didn’t care. Rather.. he didn’t need to care. It didn’t matter. It was just shattering his brains and hearts. The calmness around him felt good. His breathing.

He was breathing. Yes, he was breathing and he did feel the breath of the other boy in the wind just as well as his own. In his heart, on his skin. Brushing softly against his cheecks and tickling his ears. „So he is alive.“ A calm voice. Lost in endless dunes of sand. White sand and wide sky. That’s where he felt at ease for a second, when thick streams of a sweet aches pulled in his chest, when that voice turned to thin air and left him yapping for life.

Once again he opened his eyes to the dark blue night sky, where the sun was shining and blinding his eyes. To the stars, that were flickering softly like to a lullaby. To the white desert that beared nothing but heavy emptiness and lonely creatures that meant the images of his meddled mind. White creatues that turned into dust or mist and swept at his feet or through his hair. The mist that turned into blue eyes and brown hair. Dust that formed hands, he was holding tightly as that soft voice was laughing, then crying and screaming. But there was a smile in his head and a warm breath on his neck, that told him, he was alive. And that was the only thing that mattered. He was here and he could feel him.

He was alive and he was breathing. That boy was breathing and it meant gasping between frantic hiccups of cries and angry shouts. It meant breathing noxious air and dirt. And it meant feeling that poison in his kind heart of glass that got shattered so easily. That got shattered way too fast. So white like the sand sticking to his own white body. And his eyes so blue, his soul, like the sky.

-

It was like his heart melted into poison, slowly, then always faster, spreading to his limbs. Making him feel numb, until he couldn’t even feel his body anymore. He was dragged across dunes of white sand by someone. He knew, but he had nothing left to do or say. Nothing left to feel. Just this white sand that reminded him of crimson gaze and white skin and that silk silver hair with that smile on that tender face he knew so well but so hasty. And a piano was playing with a bit of a laughter in the cold breeze, striking through the hot desert air in the daylight like cries of children on hot summer days. That wind was noxious and dirt, but he started breathing heavily, filling his lungs as much as he could, as if his everything depended on it.

But there was nothing left. He was gone and no breathing of his own would fill that pretty boys lungs anymore. No breathing, just the wind. And he felt like he had to stop breathing just as well to pay the price.

–

White sand still in his hands, his feet now on the ground, he was walking slowly, in his mind, walking slowly into his death once again. And he smiled just as few hours ago. Or minutes, maybe days, because it didn’t matter now, he had already left him and he could feel his sadness in the dull silence all around him. „If I could only die again right here, I’d wake up right beside your body.“

'I wonder if you know.. I am alive. I am watching over you.

The stars are crying. And I know, you are crying. But it sounds like a song of joy. And I can not help but feel at ease. It feels like home, whenever you’re here with me. Even when I am crying like this for myself. Just a bit. Just really quietly. Because you know that you are dear to me, you cannot help but feel like this. I died for your sake. But I’m not a goner. Don’t worry, everything will be just fine.’


End file.
